Sex shop pizza and childhood heroes

Going away on a business trip is, apparently, a sign of genuine adulthood.

You’ve made it through the adolescent monotony of school and college; you’ve negotiated the intoxicating faux-independence of university; you’ve even managed to land on your feet – bruised and battered from uncomfy new shoes – in a bona fide ‘proper’ job.

A business trip, however, is the ultimate sign of grown-up life.

You are no longer chained to your desk like a newly purchased cat on probation, unprepared to face the outside world.

You are packed off to a Travelodge – more of which later - and trusted as an ambassador for the company.

It was this inflated sense of false optimism that filled my thoughts as I boarded a train from London Euston on Monday, bound for the Manchester Evening News for a week of camera training with their sister TV station, Channel M.

The week was interesting, and it was a privilege to spend time in such a highly regarded newsroom.

I even got to meet Andy Crane, the legendary children’s’ TV presenter from the late 80s and early 90s who has reinvented himself as a hard-nosed northern newshound, a kind of cross between Jeremy Paxman and – well, Andy Crane.

My evenings were spent watching Euro 2008 matches in my hotel room, with its sealed windows and sparse décor, venturing out occasionally to scavenge for food.

I find there is something quite sad about eating out alone – I wouldn’t be able to escape the feeling that everyone else in the restaurant would think I had been stood up – so I had the choice of cold supermarket pasta, a sparse Travelodge menu or what I came to know as ‘sex shop pizza’.

There were a number of reputable eateries within walking distance of my lodgings, but only a couple of takeaways, the nearest of which was located next door to an adult entertainment establishment.

As far as I am aware, the pizza joint had no connection to the adjoining building, but the stodgy cheese and tomato that gave me a stomach ache and filled my hotel room with a questionable aroma ensured I’ll never look at a Margherita pizza in the same way again

So that was my week up north. Hardly a high-powered executive business trip, but I return to the safety of Surrey feeling refreshed, educated and a little bit dirty.

First published here